Give Me All Your Yards

“Sorry. I didn’t mean to show you my true colors this early.”

“I usually wait until we’re more established in the ride.”

It had been three hours, and we still hadn’t reached the Winchester Mystery House.

I was starting to worry that by the time we arrived, it would be too late and all the mystery would be gone.

“Check the GPS.”

He looked at it.

“Oh. I’m sorry, Cinnamon. I forgot to enter the address.”

“Remember how I told you I was going in the opposite direction?”

“Yes.”

“Well, unfortunately, that’s exactly what happened.”

I looked at the time.

It was already dawn. All the ghosts had clocked out for the night and retreated back into the walls. The portals were probably shut off by now.

“Have you ever noticed there aren’t any pictures of overweight ghosts?” I said.

He thought about it.

“I wonder if it just takes more energy for them to manifest.”

“I don’t know what to tell you, Cinnamon. I’m more concerned about living beings.”

“Why don’t you all spend the night here?”

I looked around the clown car.

“Here?”

“As you may have heard about or witnessed on television or at a low-budget circus in a mall, clown cars are very spacious inside.”

He opened the little back door.

“I have plenty of bunk beds, showers, and even a large kitchen in the back.”

I looked inside.

There was a hallway.

“How?”

“German clown-car engineering.”

“You’ve heard about all the experiments and technological advances that happened during Nazi Germany. There are so many rumors that nobody knows what’s embellished and what’s true anymore.

“Most of it might be exaggerated. But one thing we know for certain is their contribution to clown-car engineering.”

I looked down the hallway.

“Seriously?”

“Absolutely. Although by law, the technology can only be used within the circus industry to house surplus clown workers.”

“That’s actually the reason I got involved with the circus. I wanted to own one of these beauties.”

“Could we stop at a gas station so I can get some overpriced supplies, please?”

“Of course.”

He pulled into a gas station, and I spent the next hour lining everyone up to make sure I didn't leave anyone behind.

After all, I didn't trust the man. I already knew what kind of man he was, but sometimes the devil you know is better than the alternatives.

We went inside, and I walked up to the counter.

“Can I get a pack of—”

The clerk tried to finish my sentence.

“Cigarettes?”

“No.”

“Condoms?”

“No.”

“Gum?”

“Nooo. A pack of pencils. Colored pencils. Crayons. A feather with ink. Anything you can write or draw with.”

The clerk's expression changed.

“Those are kept under lock and key.”

“Why?”

“A lot of artists live around here. They see art supplies and immediately start doodling all over the store. By the time they leave, you can’t even see the prices on the products.”

“I’ll take one of each.”

“Anything else?”

“Blank paper.”

“Oh, no. I don’t sell that.”

I stared at him.

“What?”

“No paper.”

“Then maybe that’s why they draw all over your store.”

He thought about it.

“Never considered that.”

“Could you at least give me some receipt paper from the register?”

He looked down at the mysterious frog.

“Is it for him?”

“Yes.”

The mysterious frog was already reaching for a pencil.

“I could sell you the receipt paper by the yard.”

“Well, then give me all your yards. Until you can’t count yards anymore.”

“Is that all for you?”

“No. Give me some animal crackers that resemble these little guys.”

I pointed at the animals.

“I’ll feed each of them their corresponding animal cracker. I think that’s why they make them that way.”

We got back to the clown car.

I put everyone to bed, and throughout our nap, I kept hearing little giggles.

At some point, I got up to use the bathroom.

I looked in the mirror.

My face was covered in doodles.

I went back and turned on the light.

Everyone was covered in them.

I looked at the mysterious frog.

He was half asleep, still clutching his pencils. Fumes were coming off them.

He had sleep-doodled all over us.

I should have been mad.

But I couldn't.

He was exceptionally good.

I looked at what was left of the receipt paper.

Had I failed him by not providing enough paper?