Intermittent Clown Reinforcement

CASE SUMMARY

That morning, my sister-in-law was already in a bad mood, and honestly, I don’t blame her. My brother was about to put IT on TV again… because he has been obsessed with that clown since forever… and she just looked at him and said:

“I’m so tired. I’m so tired of your brother always playing that evil clown.”

UNRELIABLE WITNESS STATEMENT (Morning, Kitchen)

Then she told me she had an awful nightmare.

She said she dreamed she got a call from my nephew’s school telling her that my brother had been kidnapped by IT.

She was really upset telling me this.

She doesn’t remember how the rest of the dream went…. just that it felt horrible.

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NARRATOR ADDENDUM (Possibly the Most Unreliable Person Here)

So of course, I did what any annoying sister would do: I filled in the missing parts myself.

And in my version, this was not a kidnapping.

This was Intermittent Clown Reinforcement.

I know this because I was there when the obsession started. We watched the original IT as kids, and it scared him so badly he couldn’t sleep for weeks, so he watched it again… kind of like when drunk people drink again because they think it’ll sober them up.

He seemed to think it would cancel the fear out.

It did not.

It made it worse.

And then he obsessed over it.

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POLICE OFFICE RECONSTRUCTION

The police called my sister-in-law in after they reviewed the security footage from my nephew’s school.

She came in panicking, expecting the worst.

The officer sat her down, opened a folder, and said, very seriously:

“Ma’am, we reviewed the footage.”

He paused, like he was about to deliver devastating news.

Then he added:

“We also encountered a communication issue.”

Apparently, the clown was talking, but the audio was unusable, and no one in the department was sober enough to interpret clown speech under pressure.

So they hired a mime to read the clown’s lips.

That, according to the officer, is when the case changed.

The mime reviewed the footage, pointed to the screen, and confirmed that my brother was not kidnapped.

He had approached the clown on his own. Enthusiastically.

And based on the mime’s interpretation, he may have also volunteered.

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Transcript Excerpt

Sister-in-Law: “Can you arrest the clown at least? He was trespassing.”

Officer (very serious): “No, ma’am.”

Sister-in-Law (confused): “Why not?”

Officer (very serious): “He was an approved guest speaker.”

Sister-in-Law (confused): “Guest speaker for what?”

Officer (very serious): “Clown awareness and prevention.”

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SUPPLEMENTAL INVESTIGATION

Because officers wanted to rule out a possible case of Intermittent Clown Reinforcement (or Stockholm syndrome), they brought in a private investigator who was completing court-ordered community service.

The department was not required to pay him, as his investigative work counted toward his hours.

His placement was reportedly connected to an unrelated case in Sydney, Australia involving drunk koalas and unauthorized zoo credit card charges at a local bar.

This is what he found.

Additional footage allegedly shows the subject:

assisting with balloon inflation

polishing part of the clown’s suit

standing near a folding table awaiting instructions

reacting positively to verbal praise

At one point, according to the report, he appeared to wait several hours for a single “good job.”

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EXPERT COMMENTARY (Volunteer Psychology Student, credentials unclear)

He cleared his throat and said:

“Well, according to a book I read once… I think it was Psychology for Dummies. Or something like that. Anyway, this looks like a classic case of Intermittent Clown Reinforcement.

When a child grows up without any paranormal activity… none whatsoever… the psyche may latch onto the first encounter with fear and keep it as a substitute supernatural relationship. In this case, the movie IT.

Your brother never had a haunting. No unexplained noises. No shadow people. No sleep paralysis figure. Not even socks going missing.

So he remained open. Hopeful, even.

Children in this state may begin to fantasize that one day, if they see a red balloon in the wild, it means they have finally been chosen… special, even.

Which is why, in this case, he did not appear to flee the clown.

He appears to have gone willingly.

The subject remains because the clown occasionally says, ‘Nice balloon symmetry,’ or ‘Excellent blood stain removal.’

These micro-affirmations activate the inner child, creating long-term loyalty to the circus environment.”

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POLICE INTERVIEW CUTAWAY

“He’s not being held hostage. He clocks in at 8 a.m., inflates balloons, and waits all day for a single ‘good job.’”

Sister-in-Law (confused): “So… he’s basically an unpaid intern?”

Officer (very serious): “Yes, ma’am. But emotionally… a fulfilled one.”

He checked the file again.

Officer (very serious): “Although in some cases, the intermittent reinforcement may include arcade tokens.”