The Seduction of Cinnamon

The mysterious man continued devouring the twenty-four-inch onion sandwich.

Bite after bite, my face slowly emerged from behind it.

He teased me about how the sandwich was almost half my stature.

“How did you manage to get such a large sandwich?”

“I got it from a Texas sandwich stand.”

He looked at the remaining sandwich.

“That doesn't explain anything.”

“Everything is bigger in Texas.”

He took the last bite.

And just as he swallowed, we heard screaming in the distance.

“CINNAMON!”

I looked up.

The delinquent trio was running toward us.

“WHAT HAPPENED?”

“He tried to start your broomcycle.” The koala said.

“I DID NOT. I was just trying to warm up your broom’s engine.

Mr. Porcupine held up his paw.

The mousetrap was still attached to it.

“Mr. Porcupine. It's been fifteen minutes.”

“FIFTEEN MINUTES? Do you have any idea how long fifteen minutes is in the life of an animal?”

“Fifteen minutes.”

“That’s practically two years! We have short lifespans. I don’t have time to waste while you go on a rendezvous with a zombie.”

The mysterious man reached into his pocket and pulled out a dollar.

“Here’s a dollar, Mr. Porcupine. Go sit somewhere. I’m in the middle of seducing Cinnamon.”

Mr. Porcupine looked at the dollar.

“Fine. This will buy you five minutes of privacy.”

He snatched it and clutched it tightly in his paw.

That was all it took for me to finally see beyond the dead skin.

This man had eaten an entire twenty-four-inch onion sandwich, leaving me without lunch, just to get close enough for one kiss.

And that’s when Mr. Porcupine waved his trapped paw.

“CAN SOMEBODY ADDRESS THE MEDICAL EMERGENCY?”

I called Roadkill Assistance.

Vultures showed up immediately.

We canceled the call and decided to deal with the situation ourselves by signing up for a quick online course in roadside veterinary emergencies.

Once we successfully freed Mr. Porcupine from the mousetrap, we went about our business.

I asked the mysterious man to fly me down to the lower rocks so I could help him freshen up.

That’s when I gave him a small peck on his perfect, thin lips.

“I want a French kiss.” He said.

“I'm not French.”

“You don't have to be French.”

“I don't know. I once read somewhere in the dark corners of the internet that upper persuasion can lead to lower invasion.”

He stared at me in disbelief.

“And I'm not ready to be invaded.” I said.

I continued helping him scrub the dead skin off when we heard splashing in the water.

There she was.

A beautiful mermaid, just like the first one he ever saw, and just like the last one who drowned him.

He couldn't help but look.

I couldn't blame him. I looked too.

That's when she noticed him and started swimming closer.

We both panicked.

There was no time to think.

I grabbed him and French kissed him like I had just gained dual French citizenship.

He turned into a frog, fell straight into the water, and reached for my butt cheek on the way down.

The mermaid finally reached us.

“Where is that handsome prince?”

“What handsome prince?”

“That beautiful man I spotted from across the water.”

“What man?” I said. “I've always been a woman.”

“Don't lie to me.”

She started looking behind the rocks.

“Humans and demigods can’t hold their breath for more than two minutes. Ask Houdini.”

“You can’t ask Houdini. He’s dead.”

“Exactly. I’m standing here for seven minutes in case your prince took diving lessons. If he’s hiding underwater, he’ll have to come up eventually.”

“Listen, mermaid bitch. There is no handsome prince here.”

“I think you're seeing things. Perhaps you're suffering from mercury poisoning after years of that high-mercury diet.”

She thought about it.

“You might be right. I've been trying to become a vegetarian.”

“I’d stay and chat about the weather, but we already know the water is freezing”

To be continued…