Australia: Land of Demigods and Drunk Koalas

When I think of Australia, it’s not just about the outback, the endless coastline, or the fact that everything there can give you the kiss of death. No △ △ △ it’s also about the runway of good-looking demigods that seem to inhabit the place (yes, Chris Hemsworth, I’m looking at you), just walking around like Thor forgot to clock out of Asgard.

But what really steals my imagination are the animals. Take the koalas. They look cute and cuddly, but they’re tougher than they seem, fearless little troublemakers. I’ve seen videos of them picking fights with dogs, which makes me think twice about my dream of hugging one. Honestly, I wouldn’t be shocked if I walked past a Sydney bar and saw a koala being thrown out by security for starting a brawl △ △ △ eucalyptus-flavored liquor in fuzzy paw, still demanding “just one more.” That’s how I picture Australia: a place where even koalas have nightlife drama.

And then, there are the dingoes. The dingo dilemma is simple: never sit down, never take a break when you’re out in the wild. Because you never know △ △ △ a dingo might be watching. And not just watching△ △ △ watching like a cartoon wolf, tongue out, eyes bulging, practically salivating at the thought of you as the main course.. They’re opportunists. Show weakness, and that’s when they’ll come at you. So if I ever play Frisbee with a dingo, I’d throw it as far as I could △ △ △ and by the time he came back all excited, I’d already be gone. He’d be stuck wagging his tail, still holding the Frisbee, and scanning the horizon for his next victim. Don’t believe me? Look it up.

That’s how I imagine Australia: beautiful, dangerous, and a little absurd. And yes, I’d still risk it all △ △ △ but with life insurance, of course.